2025, February 1st

Uuurgh. I'm tired. There's no centralized point in this, the main purpose is to get back in the swing of updating. There's weight and diet talk, too. And politics. Read my rambling at your discression.

Didn't mean to not update this for... two months. I had surgery in December and ended up being bedridden for much longer than anticipated. The drains they put in me irritated a nerve or something and drove me loony. Had neuropathy -- or something very similar to it -- for about a week. Came back randomly for a few days and went away. Also developed carpal tunnel in my left hand and can barely tell where my index, middle, and thumb are on my keyboard. Amazing!

I'm surviving. During my recovery, I binged the entirety of The Venture Brothers, got into oil pastels, and... did not read. The nurses were telling me prior to my operation that I'd probably be too fatigued to read. I did not believe them until I suddenly felt like a narcoleptic.

However, I have several books in my backlog prepared. Need to find my Zinn. Going to read lots of Hunter S. Thompson, probably. More Vonnegut. Might mod my Nook so I don't have to use the dog shit that it comes with out of box. Developed a crippling addiction to Wikipedia.

And so on and so on and so on. It's one in the morning. I think I need better anxiety medication, or at least need to take my as-needed hydroxyzine more often than not. Makes me so sleepy, though...

I've started classes again, those are going well. Signed up for three instead of four. Hoping that's my sweet spot... though I managed to misread my life drawing schedule for the past four classes. Thought it started at 12:30; it starts at 12:00... um... I was able to blame it on the weather...

There's a really cute guy in my painting class that I'm trying to flirt with but have no idea if it's working or not. He has been looking over and smiling at me a lot though, so... maybe. A guy can dream.

One of the things I got for Christmas was the latest Foetus album, Halt. Lord have mercy. It is so good. When I play it in my car I almost always do it with my windows rolled down (while simultaneously being really self-conscious about being a nuisance) and at maximum volume. It. Is. So. Good. If you have the money to buy it on Bandcamp, DO IT!!!!!!!!!! The opening track is on YouTube. Take it. Just take it.

Um. What else. Oh, I've reached my goal weight by just sort of existing. I feel somewhat hot in the mirror now. Pre-surgery I was 160 pounds, and I guess during recovery my body decided to go on battery saving mode, and I'm down to around 140-145 or so. My appetite is kinda like how it was when I first started my ADHD medication... weird. Not a huge fan of eating like shit, so I'm planning on actually scheduling my meals and making an effort to plan them. And go to the gym regularly again once I'm cleared by the doctor, hopefully this Tuesday.

Ummmm... last movie I watched of 2025 -- and first movie of 2026 -- was 2001: A Space Odyssey. I fell asleep around when Frank died, so in the canon that is in my mind, the movie ended around Frank's birthday, faded in and out of black, and Hal, Dave, and Frank had freaky sex. I think my version is much cooler. Last movie that I actually finished in 2025 was Run Lola Run. Really cool. Found it at a surplus warehouse months ago for a buck or two. Need to watch it again, I've been thinking about it on and off ever since.

Do I need to say anything about the bullshit that's happening in the US. Jesus Christ. That man is going to die in a few months via a light fall. I don't understand how people who voted for him are surprised that he's doing this shit. He's been crazy long before this. He humiliated the US and terrorized others during his first term and will do it again. How the fuck did people expect anything else. How did people who didn't even fucking vote expect anything else. I don't understand people who are shocked that the US is doing this in general. We are the same country who murdered natives here long before us. The same ones who took people from their homes and enslaved them. The same country that only began to regulate its borders because god forbid people be Chinese. The same country who created Jim Crow laws. The same country who imprisioned, tortured, and killed random people during Iraq and took pictures with their corpse. Not to mention whatever the hell occurred in Guantanamo that was so bad that the evidence was destroyed. We forget that fascist Germany studied our laws and how we treated minorities. We forget that even they found the "one drop rule" to be extreme. We were actively hostile towards Jewish refugees trying to flee persecution.

I could go on for days, without even bringing up what's currently happening to queer and trans people. Without bringing up that the Nazis destroyed some of the earliest records of transgender research and demolishing the sexology clinic that hosted them. That it took forty years for people to acknowledge that, yes, gay men and queer people were persecuted and executed by Nazis. How Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five was banned for even mentioning that. How years of progress made during the First Homosexual Movement was lost because of Nazism. Germany learned from us, now we're learning from them.

A country born on torment will continue to torment. I just hope that we can stop this bullshit before it's too late.

Yawn. It's two o'clock now. I'm feeling peckish. Watch some Ken Burns. Read a book. Support public radio. Donate to those who need it. Volunteer. Vote in your local elections. Boycott. Do something. Blaaarrghhhhh (sinks into vat of lava and holds a thumbsup a la Terminator 2). Thanks.